


The Three Times He Realized He Was in Love

by sunshinejihyun



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26081209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinejihyun/pseuds/sunshinejihyun
Summary: A story told through the eyes of Zen about the highs and lows of his first love
Relationships: Han Jumin/Main Character, Zen | Ryu Hyun/Main Character, Zen | Ryu Hyun/Reader
Kudos: 25





	The Three Times He Realized He Was in Love

The first time Zen realized he was in love with you was at the second RFA party. You were there with a date, and Zen wasn’t him.

“Zen!” You exclaimed, throwing your arms around your best friend’s neck. “Come dance with me!” The official party was over but you, Zen, and the rest of the RFA stayed behind at the venue, opting to take advantage of the open bar.

Zen rolled his eyes and rested his hands on your hips, failing to notice Jumin glaring at him from across the room. “You’re drunk, MC.”

You brushed your nose against Zen’s, looking at him adoringly and he huffed as he felt your breath brush over his lips. This was torture to him, absolute torture. “Of course I’m drunk, since none of you are using the open bar, I might as well give our bartender something to do!” You ran your hand gently through his hair and giggled as Zen leaned slightly into your touch. “Speaking of being drunk, why aren’t you?”

This wasn’t like you, in the year or so that he’d come to know you, he never once saw you with a drink in your hand. Now, you’re standing in front of him, your cheeks permanently rosy as you talked to him, standing way too close for someone who arrived on the arm of the trust fund kid. “Someone has to be sober enough to make sure you don’t make stupid decisions since apparently your date can’t do that.”

You brought your face as close to his ear as you could, despite the obvious height difference and Zen’s breath hitched. “Come on Zen,” your lips were so close to his ear, close enough for your breath to brush against his throat and Zen was sure you could feel his pulse racing. “Live a little.” You smiled and whipped your head towards Jumin who called your name. Looking back at Zen apologetically, you let go of his neck. “I should go, I’m sorry.”

When you walked away, Zen’s heart cracked and he called out to you. “Don’t drink too much more! Jumin will actually kill me. I heard he has people to do that job.”

You turned back to Zen and sent him a wink. “I’ll be fine, Zen. I’ll find you later.” You blew him a playful kiss, something that he should be used to by now but definitely wasn’t and Zen felt his neck and cheeks heat up.

“See ya later,” he called back, but you were already with Jumin, laughing and smiling and trying to get him to dance with you, although there was no music. If it was Zen in that position, he’d have pulled you close and sang in your ear as you slow danced together.

Zen wandered around the party venue for a while before finding a quiet room and taking a moment to breathe. Flopping down on a huge chair, he took his hair out of the ponytail he was currently sporting and he sighed. God, was he an idiot. How stupid was he to believe that he had a chance with you, his best friend in the whole world, the girl he shared a toasted marshmellow with at the first RFA party, the girl who was dating his sworn mortal enemy.

Zen didn’t mean to fall in love with you, not in the slightest. He loved having you as a best friend and in all honesty, he didn’t even realize he was in love with you until a few weeks ago. You were sitting on one end of his couch, silently answering emails that party guests had sent you, and he was sitting on the other, muttering the lines for his new role to himself under his breath.

“Do you need help?” You had set aside your laptop and was now looking at Zen, curling into the cushions more.

Zen looked up and his heart stopped. This was the first sign he felt something more than friendship towards you. You were wearing one of his sweatshirts he had earlier hung over the end of the couch that he told himself he would remember to put away. He didn’t, and now he was so grateful for that, and for the fact that he liked to keep his place cold, so that he could see you in his clothing. “If you’d like to help, that’d be good. But I know you’re busy so if you need to keep preparing for the party, please do so. I can always practice in the bathroom mirror, so I can look at myself to make sure my expressions are right.”

You silently held out your hand for the script he had been agonizing over and he gave it to you, moving closer to you so that he could see the script as well when you ran lines with him. With your elbows bumping together every once in a while, you stayed up until early morning with Zen working on his lines and facial expressions and when you fell asleep in the middle of him practicing one of his monologues, he felt his heart burst with adoration for you. This wasn’t how he should feel for a friend.

After sitting and wallowing in self doubt for a while, Zen decided it was time to head home. It was late, he was tired, and quite frankly, he was just ready to be alone, and this party was starting to drag on a little too long for his liking. So pulling up his metaphorical big boy pants, Zen marched down the stairs and when he reached the bottom, you were practically in his arms.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” You almost purred this into Zen’s ear and hell, if it wasn’t causing him to feel all these types of feelings he shouldn’t feel for his best friend. He had to remind himself that this was the alcohol in your system talking. You were dating Jumin and you only ever thought of Zen as a best friend.

“I was in another room. Hey, I should head home.” You pushed a piece of hair out of your face

Zen started leading you to the light switch on the other side of the room. As light filled the room, there was a collective groan from the rest of the RFA members who were hanging out in the dark. “Sorry guys, I’m heading home.” Zen called out to your friends, making you pout and throw your arms around his neck again in a tight hug.

Zen’s arms barely wrapped around your middle before Jumin made his way over you the both of you. “Darling, are you ready to go home?” Jumin asked you, tightly smiling at the position he had found you and Zen in. Zen’s arms went limp and he gently detached your arms from around his neck.

You slowly turned your head towards Jumin, a smile still plastered on your face and you blinked once, the smile disappearing. “Yeah sure,” you turned back towards Zen, who was still trying to get the feel of your body against his out of his mind and you gave him another tight squeeze. “Don’t be a stranger. I’ll see you soon.”

Jumin silently escorted you to the car that was waiting for the both of you and you climbed into the back seat after Jumin, already reaching for the music when Driver Kim started the car. “Can we please keep it quiet? My head hurts,”

You retracted your hand, quickly picking up on the fact that Jumin was upset at something. “What’s wrong?”

Jumin’s hands clenched the fabric of his pants and it took all he had in him not to pull you into his lap and whisper in your ear how you were his, and only his; tell you how jealous he was over your friendship with Zen. “Nothing’s wrong, darling. I’m fine.”

You sighed and rested your hand on Jumin’s thigh and he set his right hand over your left. “Jumin, I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. I know when my boyfriend’s upset. What’s wrong?”

Jumin shook his head, watching out the window as the car pulled up to the front entrance of the penthouse that you and he now lived in together. “It’s stupid, forget it.”

You shook your head and unbuckled your seatbelt. “Jumin, I don’t feel so good.”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t expect you to feel great. You drank a lot tonight.”

You shook your head, pressing a hand to your chest. “No, like I really don’t feel good. I think I’m gonna pass out.”

Jumin ran a hand up and down his face, taking a deep breath, which was a clear sign he was stressed, and got out of the car, walking over to your side and picking you up. “Let’s get you inside and into bed. You just need some rest.” You silently agreed, pressing your nose into the side of his neck and peppering kisses on the underside of his chin. “MC, you should stop. You’re drunk and I don’t want us to do anything we might regret in the morning.”

You pouted against his neck, but stopped your attack on his jawline and Jumin escorted you both to the shared bedroom you both had been sleeping in for the past year. By the time he had gotten changed into pajamas, you were fast asleep on top of the bed, your party dress still on and makeup smudged across your face and Jumin felt his heart thud in his chest with adoration as he watched you sleep, wondering how lucky he was to have someone like you love him.

-

The first time Zen got his heart broken by you was a week after the finale night. You were laying on his bed, giggling as Jumin continued to text you.

“Do you want to play Super Mario Bros?” Zen had spent 10 minutes pulling out his old Gamecube because he knew you loved to play on it.

You looked up from your phone and it was like you were in a trance. You were there physically but mentally, you were with Jumin. “Sorry, what?”

Zen’s face fell and he could tell you had no idea what you were doing wrong. “I said: do you wanna play this game with me?”

You sighed and rolled off his bed, grabbing your wool sweater off his floor; it got hot so you took it off, opting to just have the black long sleeved shirt on that you always wore underneath. “I should probably get going, Jumin will be home soon and will expect me to be there.”

Zen rubbed a hand over his face, something he noticed he was doing a lot more than usual; he was more stressed than usual which made him more stressed, since stress lead to pimples. He had finally gotten used to the fact that you were dating that jerk, and now he also had to deal with the fact that he was pretty sure he was in love with you? “Okay, I can drive you home.”

He went to go grab a sweatshirt and his motorcycle keys but you put a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Driver Kim is waiting, but thank you for the offer!” Stopping to slightly ruffle his hair, you smiled down brightly at him. “I’ll see you soon!”

Zen felt the bitter sting of rejection in the back of his mouth as he watched you walk off, smiling at something on your phone. Probably a message from Jumin, something that Zen desperately didn’t want to hear about, but something he wanted to do for himself.

-

The first time Zen got his heart broken by you was on a Monday morning. Zen pulled his motorcycle to the front of the penthouse at 9:40 AM, giving two quick beeps to signal to you that he was there. You and he were going to meet up with Yoosung to help him move out of his apartment. Now that he had finished school, he was going to move in with Zen to save some money while looking for a job. And let’s be honest, them living together would probably be a good thing since Yoosung didn’t take good care of himself and Zen needed something to focus on other than you and his acting gigs, since when he was thinking about practicing now, his mind wandered back to you on his couch that night.

You of course offered up your help when Yoosung had asked for some help packing things and since you volunteered, so did Zen. He watched you open the door and he watched you walk down the front steps of you house, a smile playing on your lips.

“Good weekend?” Zen asked you as you sat yourself down behind him, buckling the helmet he always had strapped to the back of his motorcycle now.

“The best,” the smile still hasn’t left your face. Zen loved to see you happy, don’t get him wrong, but he knew you were happy because of Jumin and that killed him, more than he would like to admit. “Can I tell you something?”

Zen glanced at you as he continued watching your fingers struggle with the buckle before playfully batting your hands away and buckling it on his own. “I’m your best friend,” Zen found that recently, had trouble saying that phrase but he did nonetheless. “You can tell me anything.”

You glanced at the light haired boy and he looked back at you, giving you a reassuring smile. “Jumin’s talking about us starting to plan a wedding.”

Zen’s heart fell to his feet with those words and you looked down, picking at the chipped nail polish on your fingers. “Congrats,”

Zen couldn’t think. His head was pounding and his breathing was starting to become erratic. He started his motorcycle and waited until your arms were wrapped comfortably around his midsection- he didn’t want to start riding until he was sure you were holding on safe. “Are you okay?” You shouted over the wind blowing as he started to pick up speed. “Listen Zen, I know it’s a big deal but this was always going to happen.”

He zoned you out, not wanting to hear about this right now. Motorcycle riding was supposed to be his escape from reality but right now, it seemed he had to face reality more than ever. And the reality was that he wanted to be the one planning a wedding with you. He wanted to be the one to make you smile and hold you when you were upset. He wanted to put on silly performances with ridiculous costumes just to hear your laugh at any time he would like. He didn’t want you with Jumin, not in the slightest.

You looked shut your mouth quickly once you realized Zen wasn’t paying attention, hurt at the way he brushed you off. Once he pulled up to Yooosung’s apartment building, you immediately got off the bike and started to head up to his door. “Zen, I’ll be back in a moment and then you and I can go get tape and boxes together.”

“Don’t bother,” Zen spat but it was too late, you were already too far away to hear him. As soon as you were out of sight, Zen broke down, tears streaming down his face faster than he thought possible.

There was a gentle hand resting on his shoulder and Zen hastily brushed the tears away that were on his cheeks and chin. Looking up, he saw Yoosung standing next to him, an apologetic look on his face. “What happened?”

Zen blew his nose into a tissue that he had in his pocket, Yoosung cringing at the noise. “Jumin happened,” Hestayed quiet, waiting for Zen to continue. “Stupid Jumin came and just wooed MC and took her away from me before I could even have a chance and-”

“You love her,” Yoosungstated, staring at Zen. He nodded, more tears starting to well up in his eyes.

“I love her so much, man. And she broke my heart.”

-

The second time Zen realized he was in love with you was when you showed up crying at his doorstep at 11:07 PM, three months after he had last seen you. He didn’t blame you for not coming around, you were busy planning a wedding and whenever you talked about it, Zen would withdraw himself from the conversation. He just didn’t want to hear about it. “MC?”

You wiped at your eyes, looking at Zen. “I’m sorry I know you’re mad at me for whatever reason and I probably shouldn’t even be here but I needed to see you.”

Zen felt his resolve fall away and he pulled you into his arms, his shirt slowly starting to wet because of the tears falling. “What’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant,” you sobbed out and Zen felt the world crash around him. He tightened his arms around you, opting to stay silent. “Zen, I’m so stupid. A kid was never supposed to be part of the plan and I know Jumin doesn’t even want one. I don’t know what to do.”

“Shh,” Zen quieted you, rocking you back and forth. “I’m not gonna lie, that sucks.” You let out a breathy laugh and Zen’s heart swelled with affection at that sound. “But we can get through this. Together.”

“Jumin doesn’t want anything to do with the baby.” Zen felt his pulse quicken when you looked at him with big eyes. “Or me, for that matter.”

“I can help you raise this baby, MC. We can move in together. I don’t have to work late hours anymore. I-I was supposed to go on tour but I can decline the role. I just want to be there for you.”

“You’re not giving up work, Zen. You can’t.” You smiled sadly and rested a hand on his knee and this time, he set his hand protectively over yours. “I’ll be okay. Jaehee can help me, my mom can help me-”

“But MC! That kid needs a father figure in their life.” Your tears had stopped and you turned to Zen.

“Zen, stop. I know what you’re trying to do and you can’t. Your work is your entire life. It’s so incredibly important to you. You cannot let me hold you back from that.”

“You wouldn’t be holding me back I lo-” You cut Zen off by pressing your lips to his.

“I know, I do too. But you can’t give this up yet. Not when your career is just starting to take off.” Zen nodded, pressing his left hand to his lips.

“I can’t give this up yet.” Zen repeated back, almost like he was trying to convince himself more than anything and you rested your head on his shoulder, him wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “We’ll get through this, I promise.”

“I hope,” you whispered back, burying yourself more into his side as Zen pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

-

The second time Zen got his heart broken by you was two years after he went on tour because his musical career kicked off. He left without saying goodbye and cut off communication with everyone from the RFA, ready for a fresh start. He had decided to not meet up with Saeran and Saeyoung for Christmas the first year, even though they had offered him a spot in their ‘orphan Christmas celebration’ and opted to work on his new role that he was going to be starting once this tour ended. For summer break, he went on a backpacking trip in Europe with the girl he was dating then. Her name was Ivy and she was sweet and pretty and liked the same things as he did but she was not you.

So sucking it up for the second winter break off his tour, Zen returned home and found himself on the doorstep of the Choi household before he even stopped to say hello to Yoosung, which he promised he’d do when he came home. He knocked on the door, three taps and before he could do a fourth, the door was ripped open and Zen was face to face with Saeyoung. “Uh, hey, Seven.”

He opened the door for Zen to walk inside and Zen nodded his head, thankful for the heat. “Uncle Saeyoung! Come look at what mommy got me!”

A young boy ran up to Saeyoung, wrapping his little arms around his bigger legs and Saeyoung picked up the boy, tapping him on the nose. “I’ll come look in a second, we have a guest over right now.”

“Saeyoung you’ll never believe…” You walked in the room, smiling at something you were holding in your hands and looked towards your friend, the smile dropping off your face when you saw Zen. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were back.”

Your stance made it very clear how you felt: you were mad. Your hips were cocked to one side and your arms were crossed across your chest. “I just got back off the tour, like, literally ten minutes ago.”

Zen awkwardly looked at Saeyoung, hoping for him to help. He Looked towards your son and shrugged. “Come on, Will, we should go find Uncle Saeran and you can tell him and I all about what mommy got you, okay?”

You and Zen both watched helplessly as Chelsea walked into the next room and Zen heard Henrik exclaim something in the next room. “Saeran? Saeyoung?”

You looked at Zen and he felt his face heat up under your gaze. “Yeah, turns out Seven had a twin brother who was the hacker that first introduced me to the RFA. After all that came out, he decided he wanted to stop changing identities and finally be able to live life as himself.”

“So, um, how are you?” Zen awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck.

“No, no. You don’t get to do that, Zen. Leave for two years without so much as a postcard and then you come into my home and try to make small talk with me?” You walked closer to him and jabbed a finger in the middle of his chest. “You offered to be my child’s father and then you leave without so much as a goodbye? What happened to getting through this together, Zen? Huh? Because as far as I can tell, it’s only been me, Saeyoung, and Saeran who’s been raising this child.”

Zen stood still, for once in his life, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have a joke to crack, he didn’t have a sincere apology to give you. His mind went blank, all he could think about was you, that night on his doorstep: so fragile, and he held you like he thought you were fine china. Like one wrong move and you would break. You weren’t that same girl anymore; something happened to you after he left and he wanted so badly to reach out and hold you close to him, and beg you to talk to him, let him help now. But you wouldn’t let him, so Zen kept still.

“Zen!” Jaehee calling his name brought Zen out of the staring contest you and he were seeming to have. “It’s so nice to see you! When did you get home?”

Jaejee embraced Zen and he hugged her back, trying to detangle himself from the situation he was in. “Um, actually just a few minutes ago. I stopped by to say hello to MC but I promised Yoosung I’d say hi as soon as I got back, so I should get going.”

“Nonsense, stay for dinner. Come and catch up!” Jaehee Was either ignoring the daggers in your stare was just oblivious but either way she wasn’t taking the hint. Zen was sure it was because she wanted information about the tour and to maybe get exclusive information to share with the fan club, which has now skyrocketed since his career took off.

“He said he had to get going.” Your stern look made Jaehee close her mouth and throw her hands up, silently walking out of the room. “I’ll show you to the door, Zen.”

“MC, please. Talk to me. What happened while I was away?” Zen put a hand over your hand that was on the door handle and you stopped for a second, closing your eyes and letting out a heavy sigh.

“Zen, remember all those times where you didn’t want to talk to me?” Zen nodded, his eyes searching to reach yours. “I respected that and I left you alone. Now, I need you to respect that I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Mommy? Who is that?” Zen heard your son ask you after Zen had stepped out the door. He saw Saeran and Saeyoung come into view right before the door closed and Zen felt his heart ache as he watched his friend with his long lost brother.

“He’s an old friend, Will. He doesn’t matter.” Zen heard you mutter before the door was slammed in his face, his heart falling on the cement in front of him.

-

The third time Zen really realized he was still madly in love with you was also the first time you told Zen that you were in love with him was three weeks after he showed up at your doorstep. He had already gone back on tour and wasn’t expecting any visitors to show up at his hotel room, let alone have it be you.

“Hey,” you shifted your weight from one foot to another. “Are you gonna let me come in?”

Zen wordlessly opened the door wider and you stepped in, following Zen to the musky smelling couch that all hotel rooms seemed to have and sat down next to him.

“I thought you made it pretty clear a few weeks ago, MC. You don’t want anything to do with me.” Zen was confused, not only about why you were in California in his hotel room, but why after all this time and separation did he still want to pull you into his arms and kiss you until you were breathless.

“That’s the thing, Zen. That’s not what I wanted. I was upset, and rightfully so. You left for two years without so much as a word. I missed you, there was so much I wanted to tell you. So much happened-”

“What happened with Jumin after I left? Yoosung told me you guys got back together.” Zen shifted so he could look at you, really look at you. And his heart ached. He hates the unknown of those two years; so much could have happened.

“That didn’t last long. He wasn’t a good parent to Will, even though he did try to be. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents and so we mutually decided that was the end of us, and I moved in with Saeran and Saeyoung.” Making eye contact with you for the first time in years, Zen felt his heart flutter like he was back in high school. “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m here?”

Laughing, Zen hesitantly put his arm around your shoulders and when you leaned into his touch, he smiled victoriously to himself. “I was getting there,”

“I came because I needed to tell you something,” you wouldn’t look at Zen but he could tell you were nervous, picking off nail polish on your fingers, like you always did. “Something I should have told you all those nights ago on your doorstep.”

“What is it, MC?” Zen’s heart felt like it was in his throat and he rubbed his hand up and down your shoulder encouragingly.

“I want my kid to grow up to be like you, I want you in his life, influencing him. Showing him how to be a gentleman and how to treat people kindly. I want you to show him that it’s okay to be vulnerable. I want him to grow up thinking that it’s okay to cry. I want you to be the father that he needs, not the father that he has.”

“MC, I really don’t think you mean-”

“I do mean it though.” You insisted. “I want him to grow up to be like the man I loved. The man I still do love.” You looked Zen intensely in the eyes and he looked back at you.

“What are you saying?” Zen wanted to believe what he was hearing was what he hoped was what you were actually saying, but there was a part of him that needed confirmation. The same part of him that felt like he was going to throw up from the nerves.

“I’m saying that I love you, Zen. And that I have loved you since that night that we practiced lines together. Maybe even before then, who knows. Yes, Jumin was my first love, that will never change. But you will forever be my las love. I can’t imagine loving anyone as intensely as I love you.”

Zen didn’t wait for you to continue saying anything else before pressing his lips to yours softly. You two had shared a kiss or two in the past but this one felt different. Both of your feelings were laying out on the table in front of you and the feelings were so fragile after being put out in the open.

“In case that didn’t speak for itself, I love you too, MC. So much more than you could ever imagine.” Zen was a man of many words, most of them coming out beautifully and poetically but right then and there, he couldn’t think of anything to say other than that. And you were okay with that, because his actions spoke more volumes than anything else ever could.


End file.
